4:30am - Cell phone alarm clock goes off. Jump out of bed and hit the shower while guzzling Red Bull
4:49am - A lady calls to say the bus has been waiting for a while. I tell her I still have 10 min before the bus is supposed to arrive. She says no, I’m late, again, just like two days before. I run downstairs and the bus driver bitches me out too.
5:20am - Bus has collected all of it’s passengers and heads for Nathan ferry station.
6:05am - Bus drops us off and we’re hurried to the ferry. Bob is waiting and kinda pissed that we almost missed the ferry.
6:25am - Sun comes up over Koh Samui, it’s very pretty. Everyone takes photos. We pay the lady 1300 baht (supposed to be only 1200 but I don’t complain) and fill out a lunch request slip consisting of a selection various “fried something and rice”, replace “something” with every meat in existence.
7:05am - Reflect on lack of dolphins in Thailand. Start feeling sicker with watery eyes and runny nose. Bust out toilet paper and start a long day of nose blowing.
7:35am - Ferry lands and we hop on a different minibus. Set out for Ranong.
9:10am - Pit stop, buy Kleenex, have a quick smoke, start to resent having gotten up so early. I avoid coffee as I don’t want to have to use the toilet paper for its original purpose if at all possible.
11:11am - Sleep is very disturbed by getting tossed back and forth. Minibus driver drives like a psycho (I hear it’s part of the job description). Bob is anxiously watching out the front windshield and wants to talk. I want to sleep again.
11:35am - Arrive at shitbox immigration office, queue for departure stamp.
11:41am - Believe my passport has been stolen from my bag and begin causing a rucus. To my embarassment I find it moments later when someone suggests I re-check ALL my pockets.
11:59am - Give passport to some Thai guy, get back on bus which heads over to the dock.
12:10pm - Arrive at the dock, everyone heads for the boats. Emily calls but it wasn’t good timing as the lady starts handing out lunches. I sit down and open my styrofoam lunch box just in time to be told we’re getting on the boat. Close lunchbox and get on boat. Some fat drunkard falls off one of the boats required to traverse to get to our boat. No one laughs. I chuckle inside. I give one of the guides $20 USD (they match the bill’s issue number to your passport numbers to facilitate the Burmese visa process) for both Bob and I and sit down, squished by the double seat made for Thais which fits about 1.5 farangs when Bob and I sit. Diesel fumes fill the interior when they close off one side of the boat to prevent it from taking on water from the wake.
12:45pm - Land at Kawtheung, Myanmar (Burma if you ask me), follow the line to the shitbox immigration office while admiring the golden roofs of the Burmese temples lining the shores of the islands. Really beautiful. Start wanting to stay in Burma for a bit. Forced to dodge a few touts selling Viagra for $0.45 per pill (I’m sure THEY’RE the spammers we all loath 
), cheap cigarettes ($5/carton) among other illicit materials I can’t recall off hand.
1pm - The guide tells me my $20 bill isn’t new enough. It’s the old generation without certain security features. I pull out a $10 bill but to the same response. Shit. Finally we buy two $10 bills from an Israeli guy for 500 baht instead of paying the guides 600 baht for THEIR $10 bills. Assholes.
1:05pm - Get my passport back and start walking into town thinking we have some time to look around and shop and check out the hotel. Someone tells me my passport is already stamped for today’s departure. I can’t stay. Damn it. Bob proceeds to buy a lot of viagra for cheap.
1:10pm - Hearded back on the bus I take my last photos of Burma including the town garbage dump which is boxed on three sides and opens onto the ocean on the fourth side. Horrifiying.
1:14pm - Boat forced to return to Kawtheung dock to pick up the fat drunkard. We’d forgotten him (perhaps on purpose).
1:25pm - Boat forced to go to a check stop. Thai officer boards bus to check for illegal goods but barely looks at half of the people’s open bags. 30 seconds later we’re heading off again. “THAT was easy” smirked the Israeli.
1:35pm - Land back on Thai shores, hop off the boat and head back into minibus to Thai immigration office.
2:09pm - Having queued for our Thai visa/arrival stamps for 15 min I get back into the minibus. Much discussion of Thai inefficiency. A sense of urgency is in the guides’ presence now. We leave for the ferry port again.
2:20pm - As Bob talks about how the driver is doing 160km/h and barely dodging semi-trucks I blissfully pass out again.
4:00pm - A five minute pit stop turns into 15 min as the bus driver refuses to leave until he’s smoked enough cigarettes (or something like that). I buy buns because I’m still hungry.
5:50pm - Minibus arrives at ferry port. Bob declares his hatred for Thai minibus drivers. We walk on to the ferry and try to take pictures of the evening sky’s light on the islands. None of them turn out.
6:45pm - Rain starts pouring down on our side of the ferry as I’m eating my noodle soup purchased at the “shop.” Relocate to other side of ferry where there’s standing room only. Bob checks out the lesbian backpackers.
7:30pm - Ferry docks on Koh Samui’s Nathen port. Say bye to Bob and hop onto minibus to Chaweng Beach.
9pm - I arrive at AKWA, tired and sick but safe and sound with another 30 days valid stay in Thailand.
Yay. What a waste of a day. I begin to understand the expat cynicism on a new level.
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